Well... almost a year

Well, it's been almost a year since my last post and a number of things have happened since then. I mostly post things to Twitter or Facebook, so updates here are rare.

I'll be posting reviews on my review blog, and updating other items, so this blog will serve mainly to hold those long posts that I want to write - since Facebook doesn't save anything (for example I can't find my eulogy for Twerp after he died) and Twitter's too fucking short for long thought-out replies.

For example, I was in a long long-distance relationship with someone and that really hasn't been discussed anywhere. Yeah, there's a few oblique tweets, and a short post on facebook after the ties were cut, but no, there's no really long-winded soul-searching expiation, expurgation, or really even an explanation of what happened.

So, hey, something to look forward to. Yep, one of the long sagas in my life that can be boiled down to a few choice statements:

I have a very vivid and detailed sexual imagination;
If you trust a proven liar, it may come back to bite you;
Love is a wonderful thing - but yes, Virginia, there is madness there;
One person in love does not a couple make; and,
No matter how hard you try, you can never convince yourself to fall in love - you either do, or you don't.

Okay... I've potted my aloe plants, swept the patio, paid the rent, taken my medicine, and now for a couple of reviews. If you want to read them, go to http://a-few-movies.blogspot.com.

And maybe, just maybe, the stick-to-it-iveness that I have when I'm pursuing love may just redound to keeping my blogs active.

Musings

Thoughts of love and romance...

I sit here in the dark and think of her. Remembering her smell, how she shone in the sun. Hearing her voice, floating on the wind. Wondering how she would feel in my arms.

At the bar, she sat near me, telling me of family and relationships. Drinking a cold beer she'd ordered by mistake after the bartender misunderstood her accent. Talking, unaware of her affect on things around her. Guys watched her, I watched her. Women looked on in envy as she gathered the attention in the room, oblivious of anything but my presence.

We talked of old relationships, some that ended badly, others that were still going on. She told me of dreams, plans, ideas. Someone she loved was far away and she didn't know if it would work out, but it was still worth it. Love always is, isn't it?

My protestations fell on deaf ears. Why throw yourself at something, when you yourself say if it ends, it ends? Why waste the now, being comfortable, when what you're thinking of is the past and the future, but not this moment, this time, this second.

Sometimes I wonder if I make any sense. Love is a cursed thing in my experience. Don't love enough, things get muddled and end. Throw yourself at someone, trying to make sure every moment, every second counts, and it ends in tears and tragedy. Hold back, let reality wash away the blurred lines of romance and serene acceptance, and love founders. Dreaming of the past, wishing for the future, trying to hold on to the present with both hands curled into fists.

Springsteen... I'm On Fire .... plays as he types.

How can you love someone, marry them, then watch as your ideas and thoughts wash away to nothingness, leaving you grasping at straws that may as well have been the pick-up sticks thrown by an ignorant child? Why torment yourself with thoughts about someone who really cares very little for you?

Friends... such an encompassing term... Friends can be acquaintances, those who judge you by the language you speak, those who include you when there's something they want to share with you but will disappear when you want to tell them something... People who come into your life for a year, a month, a day and then walk away into time like wisps of ether in a morning mist, leaving only the impression that they were there. Leaving only a 'what happened' and the faint half-smile as you remember a morning conversation, a late night jam session, a walk on a beach or a fuck in a field... People are ghosts; they're here for a while to keep you company as you drift through life, only to vanish when you shine a spotlight on them...

I think of this, and I think of her... She'll go away too... why care... return to the shell and withdraw... sometimes it's safer to not love, to not feel... confusion reigns, desire strives, fear and love co-mingle... what is left, but the rocks and jagged shore...

Let her go...she'll live, happy and unaware... loving and caring for whom she will... retreat into the darkness...

There's a monster under my bed... whispering in my ear... there's an angel with her hand on my head... she says I got nothing to fear... There's a darkness living deep in my soul... still got a purpose to serve... So let your light shine.. deep into my hole... Santana